Friday, May 20, 2011

It's Hard to Be Hopeful at Times...

So I haven't written too much about the fertility treatments recently and I wanted to share what is on my heart. I have been struggling a lot lately especially with the trying to not get my hopes up only to be let down. The last time I really remember writing about it was when I had to have the painful x-ray procedure done. Not too much has happened since then except that we found out Richard's sperm count is pretty low. He just had another semen analysis done on May 18th, so we are waiting for those results. With this extra hurdle, I have really began to feel hopeless. I have gained 20ish lbs. and I am struggling every time I look in the mirror. This past cycle I started feeling really hopeful. We had everything working for us and I didn't think too much about it. Then I started checking my calendar to see when I was supposed to start my period, and it was coming up. The day came and passed (I was almost 5 days late) and then it finally started. I took 2 pregnancy tests just in case but they were both negative. This was the first time I felt positive about the whole experience in that I might get pregnant. Then to find out that I wasn't only left me hopeless again.

 I started taking Clomid again last night, and the dose made me sick and I ended up throwing up the pills. When I talked to the doctor today, they said just continue to take the remaining 3 doses and then come in and they will do an ultrasound to see if I need another day's dose or not. So we are playing the waiting game to see if I'm going to ovulate or not. The doctor has said that he thinks In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) will be a great option for us. This is somewhat good news but also hard news. The good news is that the success rate for IVF is 80%. The bad news is that its so expensive. In the States it costs anywhere between $15,000-$20,000 to have it done. In Korea its much cheaper (3,000,000 Won which is around $3,000) but that is still A LOT of money to us. We are only an enlisted couple. There is no way we can afford that right now. So unless God sent us money someway or we could do something to make the money, we won't get to have IVF done before we leave Korea. Knowing this also diminishes my hope that I will get to have children.

I will let you know if anything changes or any updates I have when they happen. Thanks so much for reading my ramblings and all I ask is that you would pray for us. Thank you so much!

In His name and for His fame...
Hayley

1 comment:

  1. Hi Halyley. My name is Nikki and I am a friend of Christine F's (from TN). She shared your blog with me so I hope you don't mind me posting. I myself have PCOS, but was only diagnosed about 4 years ago after trying and trying to get pregnant. We did 1 1/2 years of the roller coaster ride of metformin, provera, on ward and on ward. We were just on the edge or moving toward fertility and it somehow happened. My son turned 2 in January. I know exactly what you are going through and can only send my thoughts and prayers your way.

    I have a great friend who is still struggling after many many years as well as costly and painful procedures.

    I am back on the roller coaster once more. Along with PCOS, I found out shortly after having my son that I have ulcerative colitis. Due to that I am on some pretty nasty drugs during flare ups. My sysmptoms have got pretty bad and they want me to go onto some more drugs that birth defects to a fetus are unknown. I will not risk that chance, so now that I am currently flare free (crossing my fingers as not sure how long) we have short window to try and get pregnant. Off the pill and guess what, no period at day 28. So, went ahead and started metformin again (not sure my body will let me get up to 3 pills as it sometimes causes stomach issues, which I already deal with). Period was supposed to start 2 days ago and it didn't, so I did the whole pregnancy test, though I knew I wasn't pregnant, and started a round of provera. As soon as my cycle hits and ends we are going to move full force and try every other day to see if we can do this naturally. My OBGYN said that due to my past fertility issues we may consider fertility drugs within 1-2 months of actively trying.

    I know the roller coaster you ride and if you need anyone to talk to I would be happy to share my contact informaton with you outside of the blog. I wish you and your husband the best. Stick with it and somehow good things will happen. Best of luck to you. If you are ok wiht it, I will share this post with my good friend. Her and her husband have been through it all as well and she was such a strong support for me through all of my stuff too.

    Nikki

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